You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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