the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
