I molested 6 butterflies tonight
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
