Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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