I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
