I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
