Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
