you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
