I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
