I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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