i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
