Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
