i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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