I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
