Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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