What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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