Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
