I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
