he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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