His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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