He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
