My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
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