even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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