If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
