dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
