the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
