he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Rumble strips road head = magical
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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