why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
