wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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