I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
