I just made out with a guy for $7.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I smell like Dick and happiness
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