I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
