You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
