Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I can't turn off my feet"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
