So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
