alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
