nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
