mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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