I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The feeling are messing with the penis
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
