Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
