It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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