How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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