Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
