Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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