$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
COCAINE IS GR8
I would fuck him just for his dog
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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