It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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