your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
They have beer where we have blood.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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