doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
