you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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