Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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