btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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