She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
