Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
