I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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