woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
