i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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