Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
