i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Blow job season was short but glorious.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
