Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Mom said you looked used
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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