Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize