id be glad to
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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