Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
