I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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