shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
