I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i dont even know how to be here
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
