You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
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