i don't plan on having that self control this summer
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
