get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
