She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
