She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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